I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
