I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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