Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize