Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
