Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
