You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
