you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
