Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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