After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
