so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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