Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
