Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what is it with giant penises always finding me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
