hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
