You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize