singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
