can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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