I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize