Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
