When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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