The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
