why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
