i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
