He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
