Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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