ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
