I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
