She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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