Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
