She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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