And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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