Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The power of my boobs compel you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize