No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
