Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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