i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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