people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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