Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
