I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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