Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you never un-have a 4some
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
