no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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