i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
