hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
