went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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