Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
