I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
