Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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