i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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