have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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