Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
