You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
