wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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