I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
