yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
