A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
