I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
