Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
