Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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