these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
