I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
