Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
