Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize