Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
