i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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