Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
