I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
