Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
