I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
