I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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