The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
