Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
