the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize