no, he came in my armpit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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