I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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